Taco Cleanse: Reader Letters

We have some reader mail today. I’ve been getting lots of these questions  (send ’em to lonestarplate (at) google.com), and I thought I’d share my answers here so they could help a larger audience.

Dear mollyjade,

My family won’t let me taco cleanse. They think it’s extreme. My mother says eating so many tacos can’t be healthy. And my father is worried what the neighbors will think. I know taco cleansing is right for me, but I’m not sure if I can keep up with it with all this constant criticism.

Lonely Taco Eater

Dear Lonely Taco Eater,

It isn’t easy living with people who don’t understand taco cleansing, but it’s important not to let others’ fears hold you back from being your best self. In my experience, the fastest way to get your parents to stop criticizing you is to stuff a taco in their mouths. It’s hard to talk and chew at the same time. I recommend keeping a few tacos around at all times so you’re prepared.

In the meantime, try eating your tacos before family meals or holding your taco behind a large loaf of bread so your new lifestyle isn’t always confronting them. You don’t have to hide who you are, but you don’t need to share that side of yourself at every possible opportunity.  When you do eat tacos in their presence, be sure to make extra loud yummy noises. Who knows, your positive example may rub off on them?

Yours in tacos,

Dear mollyjade,

Is a taco cleanse appropriate for children? My infant doesn’t seem very interested in tacos yet.

Think of the Children

Dear Think of the Children,

The taco cleanse is appropriate for all stages of life. You might need to puree tacos for a younger crowd if teeth haven’t come in yet. Or do the chewing yourself like a penguin mother. Up to you. Adding an extra amount of fat and sugar may help your young tyke learn to enjoy the many benefits of tacos. Start with a choco taco and see where things go from there.

If this doesn’t work, you might want to start over with a new baby. Yours may be defective.

Yours in tacos,

9 thoughts on “Taco Cleanse: Reader Letters

  1. “Lone Taco Eater” could also try seeking out his or her local Taco Anonymous Cleansers Organization. These TACO support groups are an important part of the support structure that taco cleansers at every level need. Just as a taco needs to be supported at just the right angle to avoid spilling delicious fillings everywhere, a taco cleanser needs to be supported to achieve his or her desired results.

    • I can tell I’m really hitting home with people when they start to take it personally. I hope you’ll look back on this, person who is definitely Not Wes, as the moment when you first truly considered the possible impact of a taco cleanse on your life.

      • I believe babies will receive the most taco nutrients from the mother’s breastmilk, as long as the mother is continuously taco-cleansing. As soon as the baby grows teeth, it is advised to start introducing tacos into his/her diet.

  2. Pingback: B is for Best of: My Favorite Posts of Vegan MoFo VII! » V for Vegan: easyVegan.info

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