Three Reasons the Taco Cleanse Isn’t Working for You

Sad Taco

Image by Sin Amigos. Licensed under creative commons

People have been asking me lately, Molly, what’s up with this taco cleanse thing? I ate a taco once and nothing happened? What’s the big deal?

Don’t give up if you don’t see results right away. Here are some of the most common taco cleansing problems and how to avoid them.

1. You’re not actually eating a taco. Filling + condiments + tortilla = taco, right? Not exactly. There are many taco-like objects out there waiting to trip up the novice taco cleanser. The most common of these is the burrito. You can recognize a burrito by its multiple folded edges (versus a taco’s single fold) and its generally large size. Burritos often require a two-handed hold, whereas the average taco only requires a single hand (which hand you use is up to you).


Lazy Smurf has made a valuable video to help you recognize this important distinction if you need more help distinguishing between tacos and burritos.

Solution: eat a damn taco!

2. You’re not cleansing long enough. At any level below “mild” (one full day of taco meals), you’re unlikely to see any visible changes. You can’t just supplement one taco a month and expect to see big results. You get what you put into the cleanse. See Lazy Smurf’s post about the four levels of taco cleansing for more information.

Solution: eat more tacos!

3. You’re not alive. Taco cleansing is not recommended for zombies or the undead.

Solution: None. There’s no point in trying to live a tacoless existence.


Why Taco Cleanse?

Today Lazy Smurf posted about her inspiration for taco cleansing. It made me look closer at my own reasons for taco cleansing. I’ve put together this tacovation collage. I’m going to hang it on my fridge for when things get tough.

Are any of these people crying? Are they tearing out their hair? Cussing at postal workers? Leaving passive aggressive notes for their colleagues? No. Because tacos make people happy. They give you the strength and courage to put up with your annoying coworkers who leave dishes “soaking” in the sink. They inspire you to rise above the petty issues of the day. They even get you elected president.

Lazy Smurf said it best. Tacos change lives.

Taco Cleanse: Day Two

Migas tacos

Migas tacos and vegan queso from Kerbery Lane. Panang curry tacos not pictured. They were tasty but very unphotogenic.

I’m well into my second day of taco cleansing. So far my detoxing symptoms have included sleepiness nightly at around midnight and a strong thirst when I’ve been gardening in the Texas heat. And I think my hair is growing a touch slower than usual the last two days. Hopefully this will all pass soon as the toxins leave my system. Otherwise, I may need to change the date of my next hair cut appointment.

In order not to strain myself during this trying part of the taco cleanse, I ate all my meals out today. Brunch was migas tacos with queso at Kerbey Lane. Those kept me going strong until dinnertime when I assembled panang curry tacos with the help of the folks at Pad Thai (tofu dishes are made without fish sauce there, FYI).

Taco Ingredients

Taco Ingredients. Am I missing anything important?

Later in the day, I gathered enough strength to check my taco making supplies. Hopefully these will be enough to get me through this first week.

Taco Cleanse: Day 1

Buffalo Chik'n Tacos

Buffalo Chik'n Tacos from Whole Foods Cart. Photo by mollyjade

Today kicks off the taco cleanse. I’m a bit nervous starting out. Who knows how this will change my life?

We had breakfast at the Mueller Farmers’ Market today. And there weren’t any vegan tacos. But I pushed through and convinced the nice employee at the Whole Foods cart to make me a Buffalo Chik’n Wrap using corn tortillas instead of the flour wrap. The day was saved! I’m so glad I can eat out of the house without compromising the cleanse.

A few hours in, I’m feeling energized and alert. I’m not constantly thinking about food because I know exactly what I’ll be eating. Tacos. And this morning an amazing thing happened. My husband got stuck on the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle. Could I help? I picked up the puzzle and immediately saw that the answer was taco (69 across). With my help, he flew through the rest of the puzzle. I’m pretty sure this is a sign that I’m on the right track.

Look out for more taco cleansing from these blogs:

Other folks are posting their cleanse progress on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram with the hashtag #tacocleanse. Later this month we’ll host a few taco meet ups. And the whole thing will culminate in a Taco Cleanse Zine.

Vegan MoFo 2013

Vegan MoFo will be in September this year, which is just six days away. I wasn’t sure if I would participate this year, but I’ve decided to go for. You should, too. Sign up here by August 28 to participate.

For the month of September, vegans from all over the world will blog daily about vegan food—anything whatsoever to do with vegan food. Here’s a list of ideas if you considering joining us.

I’m embarking on a taco cleanse with a group of guinea pigs here in Austin. Hopefully by the end of September we’ll have glowing skin and super powers. Keep reading to find out.

Follow the fun with the #tacocleanse tag on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram and see our taco cleanse Pinterest board for inspiration.

Happy MoFoing everyone!