We have some reader mail today. I’ve been getting lots of these questions (send ’em to lonestarplate (at) google.com), and I thought I’d share my answers here so they could help a larger audience.
My family won’t let me taco cleanse. They think it’s extreme. My mother says eating so many tacos can’t be healthy. And my father is worried what the neighbors will think. I know taco cleansing is right for me, but I’m not sure if I can keep up with it with all this constant criticism.
Lonely Taco Eater
Dear Lonely Taco Eater,
It isn’t easy living with people who don’t understand taco cleansing, but it’s important not to let others’ fears hold you back from being your best self. In my experience, the fastest way to get your parents to stop criticizing you is to stuff a taco in their mouths. It’s hard to talk and chew at the same time. I recommend keeping a few tacos around at all times so you’re prepared.
In the meantime, try eating your tacos before family meals or holding your taco behind a large loaf of bread so your new lifestyle isn’t always confronting them. You don’t have to hide who you are, but you don’t need to share that side of yourself at every possible opportunity. When you do eat tacos in their presence, be sure to make extra loud yummy noises. Who knows, your positive example may rub off on them?
Yours in tacos,
Is a taco cleanse appropriate for children? My infant doesn’t seem very interested in tacos yet.
Think of the Children
Dear Think of the Children,
The taco cleanse is appropriate for all stages of life. You might need to puree tacos for a younger crowd if teeth haven’t come in yet. Or do the chewing yourself like a penguin mother. Up to you. Adding an extra amount of fat and sugar may help your young tyke learn to enjoy the many benefits of tacos. Start with a choco taco and see where things go from there.
If this doesn’t work, you might want to start over with a new baby. Yours may be defective.
Yours in tacos,